


You Can't Love Me Anymore (But I Still Do)

by Huntress8611



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fear, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Men Crying, Michael Guerin Deserves Nice Things, Michael Guerin Loves Alex Manes, Protective Alex Manes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 13:47:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19724902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Huntress8611/pseuds/Huntress8611
Summary: Michael collapsed onto the floor, cradling his head in his hands. What he had said wouldn’t stop echoing in his mind.“Go! Go! I don't love you! I don't! We've been holding onto this thing! And what? It's gotten us nowhere. Just let go.”God, what was he thinking? How could he have said that to Alex, the only good thing that’d ever happened to him? He’d made him cry, he should have left. Why did he say that? Why? And why was Alex still here? Wait, had he left? Fuck, he fucked up, he finally fucked up too much-“Hey, Michael?”





	You Can't Love Me Anymore (But I Still Do)

**Author's Note:**

> The first part of the title of this work is from the song Can't Love Me by Novi and Tyler Blackburn.

****Michael collapsed onto the floor, cradling his head in his hands. What he had said wouldn’t stop echoing in his mind.

**_“Go! Go! I don't love you! I don't! We've been holding onto this thing! And what? It's gotten us nowhere. Just let go.”_ **

_God, what was he thinking? How could he have said that to Alex, the only good thing that’d ever happened to him? He’d made him cry, he should have left. Why did he say that? Why? And why was Alex still here? Wait, had he left? Fuck, he fucked up, he finally fucked up too much-_

“Hey, Michael?” The voice sounded far away, distorted. He felt someone grab his hands and flinched. “Michael, it’s just me, okay?”

He cracked his eyes open and saw Alex kneeling down in front of him. He looked into his eyes, not really processing anything he was seeing. _Alex is here still, but why? Oh! He must be trying to say goodbye, I guess._

Alex started to stand up and Michael reached out towards him. “Don’t-” he gasped, pulling back his hand at the last second. He felt tears prickling at his eyes and his breathing was becoming more and more strained.

Alex didn’t stop moving, and Michael reached out again, this time successfully grabbing his shirt. _“Please-”_

Alex grabbed his elbows and guided him up, wrapping an arm around him and leading him to his bed. Once they were sitting, Alex tried to move his arm to get more comfortable, but Michael had latched onto him.

“Michael?” he questioned.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry- please- please don’t-don’t leave me, I’m sorry-” he stuttered, and everything in the house started to rattle.

“Hey, no, why would I do that?” He pulled Michael into a tight hug.

“But I- But you- I- I said-” Michael attempted to say, gasping, and the house itself began to shake slightly.

Alex squeezed the back of his neck. “Michael. Michael, I need you to listen to me, okay?” Michael nodded almost imperceptibly. “You’re having a panic attack. I need you to breath with me, baby. Breathe with me. I don’t know why you think I’m leaving, but we can talk about it later. I promise you I’m not going anywhere.” The tears finally leaked out of Michael’s eyes, dampening Alex’s shirt, and he gasped in a shallow breath. “There you go,” he murmured, “You're doing great. I just need you to calm down a bit more.”

Michael suddenly realized what the strange sound he'd been hearing was. The fucking house was shaking. _Way to go, Michael. You fucked up again. He's not going to want a fuck-up like you._ He concentrated, somehow managing to calm just enough to control his powers.

“Thank you, Michael.”

He shook his head. _He didn't deserve a thank you, he was the problem!_

“Baby, I don't know what's going on in your head, but I'm here, you aren't alone, and as soon as you calm down we can fix whatever's wrong. We'll fix it,” Alex whispered into his hair. “I've got you.”

Michael leaned heavily into Alex, wanting to soak up as much of his care as he could before he inevitably left him. He concentrated on breathing, the oxygen helping him to think. Once he was breathing normally, Alex started to pull away. Michael wanted to stop him, but he didn’t, knowing that he had no right to. Alex turned towards him and looked into his eyes, not leaving.

“Can you tell me what’s going on? I just want to understand, baby.”

“I- I told you to go, bu- but you didn’t?” Michael stuttered, confused.

“Do you _want_ me to?” he asked softly.

“No, nonono, _please-”_ he begged, grabbing Alex’s arm.

Hey, hey, no, it’s okay. I’m not going to go, I’m not leaving.” Alex soothed, carefully cradling the other man’s face in his hands. “I think I get it now. Can I take a guess?”

Michael nodded. He hoped Alex had figured out his concerns and his confusion, because he couldn’t seem to explain it himself.

“You don’t understand why I’m not leaving, is that it? You don’t want me to, but you think I will anyway because of what you said earlier?”

“Y- Yeah. You shouldn’t want to stay. I’m horrible, I’m always horrible to you, I’m no _good-_ ”

“Stop,” Alex said firmly, cutting him off. “Michael, stop doing that. You are good. Sure, you fuck up sometimes, but everyone fucks up. It’s okay. I forgive you.”

“But why?” Michael asked, closing his eyes.

“Because I love you, Michael.” Alex pulled him back against him and Michael wrapped his arms around him tightly.

“But I-”

“Michael Guerin, you listen to me. I. Am. Not. Leaving. You,” Alex said firmly, leaving no room for argument. “You had just met your Mom, Michael. It was the first time you met your Mom and you knew that she was about to die. You just wanted to keep me safe, baby. You wanted to stay with her, but you didn’t want me in there when it self-destructed.”

Michael nodded along, sniffling back tears once more. “I- just- my Mom- you aren’t leaving- she’s dead-” he cut himself off, tears leaking from his eyes once more. “I just found her, Alex. I finally found her and now she’s _gone.”_

“I know, baby. I know. I’m so sorry, Michael.”

“It- It’s just not _fair,”_ he mumbled into Alex’s shoulder. “Never get anything good. Everyone I care about dies or leaves, Alex. I just don’t wanna be alone anymore.”

“You aren’t. You’re not alone anymore. I’m not leaving, Max and Liz and Isobel aren’t leaving either. You aren’t alone, baby. Never.”

* * *

_Alone._

_Yes, that's the key word,_

_the most awful word in the English tongue._

_Murder doesn't hold a candle to it and hell is only a poor synonym…_

\- ‘Salem’s Lot by Stephen King


End file.
